I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
