I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
