It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
