so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
