i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
