you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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