is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
