shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
