Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
