Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
