youre lurking in front of me
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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