i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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