I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
