My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I think I just sharted jello shots
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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