He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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