I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
he just fucked me for my cheese.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
