Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
you had me at cake vodka
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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