She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
