I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
