you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
