Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
