Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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