We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
