What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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