Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
