I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
