Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
