Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
