It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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