I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
