Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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