Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
