Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
