I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
