remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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