If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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