final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
