It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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