DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
