At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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