just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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