you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
