When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
