got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
