I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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