I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
