I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
