All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
