well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Is Oprah even human
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
