You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
