I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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