I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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